Approaching New Semester

  It's pretty ironic to acknowledge that the semester break is just so close to the end, like it's only outside of my door, stretching its arms to knock over. Yet, any achievement hasn't even accomplished. And I am still at the corner of my bed, with my radical mind is drowning deep in the thought of "tomorrow should be productive. It has to be." Been repeating myself those words all over again. While my neurons are all acting like it's functioning at its best, brainstorming of "what should I do for tomorrow?" But guess what, when tomorrow present itself beautifully, I'm just gonna go with 'screw everything's' plan. I'll settle for something far better, obviously, wasting my time crippling on my bed cause my bed is f awesome.

 
Yet, as the thought of new semester penetrated my mind, sometimes, the pain of yesterday slowly ingressed my heavy heart, pervaded all the core of my sanity. Like the shore was swept away by a tidal wave, I was swept further away by those unease feeling. To recall all those sweat and blood and pain and tear of struggles left me terrified. Indeed, I am beyond terrified to face this new semester, considering the new semester hasn't even yet, arrived actually. 'Girls and overthinking' can beat 'girls and makeup's relationship. But to go through back and forth again with the new design's class, leaving a huge void in me. The design is perpetually one thing that takes all the guts in me, I swear to god.

 Last semester was completely callous. Please, don't let me get started on what I've been through, perhaps, as a recap of last semester, let me assemble it in a simple word, deadly. It was completely out of my mind, those pressure are really beyond my patience's level, it definitely tested every angle of my strength, a hell of torture with the sleepless night, the AutoCad, photoshop, artlantis, sketchup, the ceaseless deadlines, the other's subjects, heritage's group, and with my baby lappy started to show its rebellion. I was absolutely devastated and in pain, nothing was going under my control. It was those time that I thought, how stupid I was, wasted my younger time projecting my focus to counterproductive things.

    
There's a saying "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional", I am starting to believe in it more and more now. Pain is indeed inevitable, but to let it destroy us is up to us to define it. To come to the term architecture itself, it is hands down a challenging and difficult field. Stepping into my third years, my respect to every architecture students is terribly upsurged I can say, no one should be underestimated, just no one. Despite all those pain, if there's one thing I am thankful of, is the strength that Allah has bequeathed to me. Each day I went through, I constantly believed that I was weak, helpless but Alhamdulillah, He blessed me with an abundance of good friends and family to remind me of what I am capable of. They are truly blessing in my life and if I will be given a lifetime to be thankful to Allah for that, it'll never be enough. Alhamdulillah. 

  

The Last Letter in The Bottle

Dear Mr. Unreadable,
  I'm glad you finally have a new life. This will be the last letter I will write for you. And this isn't those typical letters that I'd usually wrote you but this might be an appreciation post as well I guess, well, tengok laa how those words will be enunciated.

  Above all, I just wanted to thank you, so much, really, last time I didn't get a chance to thank you. Having a chance to know you were never a regret for me. Though I didn't get a long period to get to know you but that was just enough to get deep into you. But deep down, I am so thankful because I learned alot from you, by alot, I really mean a massive bunch of it, you are a lesson for me, lesson that I need to learn about this life.

  And you are a good man, really, so kind-hearted, someone that always seize inside his own feeling for the one he loves, or in easy word selfless, kan senang kalau cakap selfless je, macam motif kau nak tulis panjang panjang, blerghh ain ni, and so nonjudgmental type, full with positivity, always seeing the good in others, someone who will sacrifice himself for his beloved parents, you're a really good man. Knowing you, taught me to imply those values on me. Still trying actually. So thank you for all those lessons.

  Whenever you're, whatever you're doin, be safe, be happy. And sometimes just enjoy your life, be firm in making a decision, choose it because you want it not because others tell you so, those decisions, you'll be carried for your whole life, don't turn it into things you'll regret you didn't do when you're on your deathbed. Those burdens on your shoulders wouldn't last forever, eventually they will be gone but those times you have with your loved one, will last, cherish it. The past is in the past, don't be haunted by it. I'm glad I know you. Thanks.

Everyone is a Good Person

“Within every bad thing I see good, and, likewise, within every good thing I see bad, however impossible it is to understand it or see it at the time. As humans we are the epitome of life; in life there is always balance. Life and death,male and female, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, win and lose, love and hate. Lost and found.”

― Cecelia Ahern

  Seeing good in every bad is something that I think everyone has to plant it deep in our heart. I strongly believe that every human being was never actually so evil, even in Botak Chin cases, I still think he was actually had this good in him but it was deep down in him, maybe, we never know, hati orang mana kau tahu. Sometimes, I think about him often, like betul ke, he actually that jahat. Hahaha. I do believe that even in a heart imprisons with so much evil, there's kindness somewhere in that heart, but it is too deep to reach maybe. I mean, if we look from the different perspective laa, a serial killer wasn't born to be a serial killer, macam keluar keluar dah ambik pistol tembak nurse, when he was a young boy, maybe he was a decent boy macam sebenarnya dia lagi baik dari kita but sometimes life forces you to be that way, I'm not blaming life, Allah tu is the best planner, but sometimes, those forces are beyond our control.

  Those forces like family problems, the death of beloved one like your mom or dad or both meninggal, parental abuse, money problems, study problems, self-identity, grown up, ask yourself how many times we have been in this situation? Eventually, we all get lost once in a while but some of us can figure it out and come out at the other better end but some maybe wander too deeper than us but they eventually come out at the other end too but it is different end, the darker end which makes the worse part of their pain is gone and yet they stay because it's easier. And that's all they need, the pain to be gone so that they can feel happy too.  And how many times, we wish to pack our bag and escape this world, pretend that we don't care about our pain or about anything at all? All the time I reckon. Maybe they are just like us. But we, we have Allah, family, friend to turn to when we lost our hope. And we don't even know that maybe they dont have anyone, even someone to remind them of Allah. We are the lucky one.

  So why can't just everyone try to love everybody even it is not everybody but the least you can do is to love those who are close to you, your family and friends. Even in your racial hatred towards someone which whenever you see him all you can think about is killing him but can't we just pause and try to look back at those times he stood there for us when we were in need of helping hands and none had appeared but him.

   Everyone will go through the rough patch of their life, ultimately, but most of us can't do worse, some will always be good at picking themselves up and some maybe are good in talking about their problems but many of us aren't. Sometimes, they just keeps the pain inside that will eventually lead them to some kind of a meltdown. People don't just behave in such a way because that's who they are but there's always something that keep them that way. A powerful act of kindness doesn't have to be shown in investing any single cent, be nice, and a simple smile is all it takes. To show the kindness to someone you hate is not a hypocrite but that's what we called maturity where you've come to the part which finally you try to understand why he behave in such rather than blame him. And be mercy of your enemy is humanity, we don't fight outside of the battlefield, we fight till dead only in it.

"I have believed the best of every man, and find that to believe it is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swing his lantern  higher."- William Butler Yeats

Berkelah Waterfall

  So, last semester break, we, the girls, were so excited with the idea of a short vacay but we didn't want it to be that typical Instagram's getaway. We wanted something that quite thrilling but not that thrilling yang could kill macam Everest tu, wanted it to be in the jungle but not the kind of deep gloomy dark forest kind of jungle, we wanted it to be a hiking kind of vacay but we didnt want it to be that 7 hours of hiking, so the girls, full of complexity. It's hard being a man right? It's so legit when man has so many complains about our species. Hahaha. I get you bro.
  Okay back to the story, with the help of Ben, Ani's boyfriend btw, a five or four years experienced hikers I guess, but quite experience laa rather than us the girls yang so lembik ni, take me as the best example, my first hiking experience was at Kalumpang, that wasn't even so thrilling pon, at first we decided to just give it a try at the so famous Sungai Chilling but well, planning punya planning macam nak mati dalam group whatsapp nasib tak buat meeting khas mata ke mata je, Sungai Chilling pulak ada kes orang stuck couldn't get out because of kepala air. At that time, frust dia, gua terduduk mengucap, tak terkata. Haa, acamtoh, over nau.
  Lastly, Ben came out with the idea of Berkelah, we was like at that time, memang laa nak pergi berkelah tapi kat mana, rupanya baru tahu Berkelah tu nama tempat. It was lame of us.

 So we started the journey, 8 of us satu kereta gerak malam tu pergi Pahang, it was near apa eh, I forgot laa, well I'm bad with geographic and location, nak ingat jalan tu lagi la. Macam motip nak ingat jalan, bukan aku tahu drive pon. Haa camtoh. Tapi about 2 hours journey jugak la, dekat sajoh, ingat balik kelantan, nak jauh jauh. Sampai je, we slept at the mosque dekat situ, masa tu takde orang lagi. Tapi bangun pagi nak solat subuh tu, terkejut mak aihh, punya laa ramai orang tergolek-golek macam badak berketul-ketul tidur dekat situ, nasib kitorang tidur dekat dalam, kalau tak berguling laa semua dekat situ. Astaghfirullah hal Azim. So we buat preparation semua, pakai cantik cantik ready nak hike semua.
 Btw, masjid tu really the nearest, kira landmark la, sebab nanti pakcik 4 wheel drive pon pickup kat situ. Naik 4 wheel drive, about 10 minutes, dia turunkan dekat sesuatu tempat, so start laa the hiking.
 At first, the trail was really easy, I tell ya, aku masatu dalam hati dah

"eh mana yang sembang trail mencabar macam naik everest versi takde salji tu", 

macam dalam hati aku dah semangat,

 "yes ni laa masa aku nak buktikan dekat dunia, aku bukan perempuan lembik, lihat laa dunia, Nor Ain Elias tengah hiking ni hoi"

 Sekali, after second kolam maybe, the trail start to mock me up balik, nak mencabar sangat kan, haa ambik kau. It was so thrilling I tell ya dengan after hujan punya effectnya dengan kasut licinnya. I was like,

"What!! Is this for reall! Are you f kidding me! Damn it!"

  Because under any circumstances pon, you have to hike through that rocky path yang susah tu jugak, and it was so slippery MasyaAllah, sis dalam hati,

"ya tohan, ampunilah dosa hambamu yang riak takbur cakap tak tengok langit tadi ni ya tohan."

  Nangess. I almost died, not just once, but more than twice. I was lucky Ani has this quick reaction, everytime I slipped through the trail, she was just so quick in catching me. If it wasn't Ani, I'd be long dead like goodbye world, tell my family, I love them, they always in my heart. But I wasnt.
  After 1 hour and half hiked, Alhamdulillah, we arrived at the very last pond, the scenery I tell ya, I forgot all those incident, if you ask me if I wanna do it again? Hell yeah. It was so breathtaking, magnificent, MasyaAllah so beautiful. Allah indeed is the perfect artist. His art is beyond your imagination. It was worth all the tiredness and slippery rock. Perfect scene, except for too many orang awam, I expect i to be sikit je, macam I declare that this is my kingdom now, I rule this world.

The last pond, the water depth, I was told that it's approximately 50 meters, plus minus 14 stories building. So, are you in for that? That's why the water is blue in color. But sadly I don't have the courage to go in there, my mind was filled with those bad thought like what if, suddenly, there's a giant big fish like totally massive one suddenly appears out of nowhere dekat tengah tu, we all will be dead! It freaks me out, I cannot laa. But, someone told me, a few have dived in there, there's nothing like giant big fish in there, but it doesn't make me feel relieved. It's 50 meters babe. You'll never know, macam dalam any kind of big fish or crocodile or Godzilla movies, you never knew they were there until they come out to the end.

This one kolam 5 kot, 5 ni pon dah nice dah kalo kau nak tunjuk skill cliff jumping kau yang masih baby lagi. Dekat sini ramai je hikers berhenti terjun sat. Kau pilih je nak seluar corak apa, semua ada.

Ni gua tak tahu kolam ke berapa orang panggil, enam dah lepas dah, ni 6 setengah boleh laa kot, dia dekat bawah tujuh atas enam, haa ambik kau. Tapi takpe, jangan bimbang kau tak payah buat levelling nak ukur slope dia sebab subject land surveying dah lepas dah. Hambarnya sis ni. Sis tolong jangan hambar sangat. Sighhh. Yang penting ni is the safest for me, babe, tolong fokus dekat life jacket gua tu babe, pakai life jacket don't care because I'm cooliddat. Sis tak kisah, yang penting nyawa sis terjamin. Kalo macam gegirls yang masih bertatih macam gua, tapi ada hati nak jump jugak sebab kau tengok mamat pakai seluar bunga-bunga buat cliff jumping dekat bendara pas kat atas sana cool nak mampos level nak tunggu dia siap terjun kat bawah dalam air 50 meters tu semata nak tepuk untuk dia, macam kau tak boleh kalah, kau kena jugak jump, so kau jump lah dekat sini, ajet-ajet macam dah deep dah tu babe sebab air biru jugak, boleh laa main sini.

That was the bloody trail yang aku duk cakap. This one wasn't that bloody laa tapi.

Cantinya ya Tohan, hamdolellah, sis mampu tengok view ni.

This shoes hah, will never be with me in any adventure lagi, it almost kill me, I couldn't believed it. Kalo nak pi, beli je kasut getah RM7.50 dekat kedai Ah Seng belakang uia tu. Dijamin selamat nyawa kau dengan izin Allah. Haa camtoh.

Gambar ni sis kena boo dekat hikers lain sebab duk duck selfie over nau mulut tu. Tapi hikers semua baik, jangan risau, yang penting semua handsome, sis ingatkan sis duk ladang pengeluaran lelaki handsome time tu. Nasib iman sis kuat, kalau tak sekarang dah tukar status dah. Haacamtoh, motipppp.

Realization

I woke up today to a realization of the definition of stupid as me. And stupid was never me. So I decided to set my new goal. And I'm moving forward on the better road to my victory mountain. I'll climb to the top and never look down. Whatever left behind won't be in my road, again and ever. And I left all my innards, buried deep to the ground, and I won't mark the grave because I don't have any intention on visiting it. The past is in the past. And I'll be walking this road as new me, the colder, stronger and wiser Nor Ain Elias. And watch me at the top of the world.