A Thought in A Mess Head

'We built friendship by respect, if you can't apply that in us, you're out of my clique'
 The thing about us is we built our friendship by respect and trust. How can we get close to someone if we aren't trusted them. Trust is something that binds us. And when you lose that, friendship will be piled up with lies. And being a human, you have to have this kind of thing we called it as common sense. Having senses in some simple things that we often ignore it. Having senses in some things that people often forget about it, because that's what makes you a human.
 I don't choose my friends. And I realized that we all have flaws so I accept everyone. I teach my heart and mind to not being a judgemental. I learn to plant the words 'she/he must have his/her own reasons for whatever she/he did' doesn't matter if she/he even hurts me. I open my heart to everyone but that's the thing about being a open-hearted, you care bout everyone to the point that people take it for granted. And you're ended up being hurt. And being hurt is just a step to turn me into the cold-hearted and heartless Ain, because it's easier. You don't have to care. You just flip off your switch and life will be better, will be much brighter, you don't have to feel, no drama. And I love that life, because it's smoother than now.
 And this is my personal thought. Don't be offended by any words. If you.

Thing About Life

  Life has its own rules. Everything that is meant to be happened will happen. Either you embrace it or not, because Allah is the All Mighty.

But I contravene the rule. Being me is I tend to be so passionate in getting everything that I want. Sometimes, I force thing to happen exactly the way I prefer it to be. Everything has to follow the path I've carved. But I forgot, Allah is the Greatest and He knows the best how to indoctrinate me bout this life. And I learn  the lesson in a hard way.
 
  Maybe you have to digest the hard cold fact that there's thing in life that you can't change, what is fated to be that way, it'll be. Eventually. Sometimes, you can force thing to be on your path but there's certain thing will never be on your path, not even crossed it. And you have to accept it. Allah knows it best. He knows what you know not. Have a faith. Let it flies.

Nature

I perpetually have a thing for nature. Nature is kind of my remedy. When there's nothing can make me happy, nature always has something to offer me. The best therapy for those who are sad, afraid, hurt, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where you can be alone with the nature. Somewhere where your eyes can be fed with greenness, where you can breathe the fresh air, you can see the bright tremendous sky. Because there'll always be comfort for every sorrow, every heartache, every troubles or any circumstances in nature. The beauty of nature brings alleviation in all troubles. Nature is kind of my escapism. Place where I can escape from reality. Place where I can be alone. Place where I can only hear the sound of nature.

Humming

When your mind is flooded by all those beautiful memories that hurt you now, your heart knows better the song it should play along.

All Of Me
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,
Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,

I'll wait even there's nothing left for me to wait, even when you're already erased everything bout me. Even when you don't want me, I'll wait because all of me loves all of you. Because you're the best thing I've ever have and I couldn't ask for anything better than you.

The woman

The woman I am and I've become now is the woman I thought I'll never be. And for being that woman, I hate her. I hate her for being so bloody weak and so bloody fragile. I hate her for spilled out all my confidence I've hardly built for the past three years through the journey she faced. I hate her for not trusting me on the future we shared. I hate her for being such a loser. And I really hate her for buried all my dreams deep inside her heart till I can't even pictured how nice the dream was. And I hate her for being insecure on everything. After all, when you lost all your confidence, the only thing left in you is insecurity. And indeed, I hate her for not be able to dream big again.I hate the Nor Ain Elias I am now. This woman now has turned her back on the girl in her past. She broke all the promises she has ever made to that girl. She ditched that girl. And now, she left alone, facing the road that once only had bumps but now getting more difficult and thriller. Alone.

If I Lose Myself

Starting to realize that without I even notice I'm slowly to lose myself in order to try to live with  people's expectation. How sometimes I feel like it's my duty to please everyone around me, to impress them, to let them see me as a person with bright future, to amaze them, to let them see the good in me when the truth is I'm none of it. Living like this parallels to wear a mask on your own face. And sometimes, I can barely tell myself, this so isn't me.

When you're living with that kinda life, it's tiring, really, so tiring. And you sometimes will begin to miss your old life where the life that you can live your life the way you want it to be, no needs to please anyone instead of you, yourself. Whatever you did was only for your own happiness. Live with the kinda philosophy "do whatever makes you happy because at the end, you're the one that feel it".

How I wish for a break from this whole architecture life, going somewhere, a quiet place with only nature's sound, alone, escape from reality. Escape from competition. Escape from everything. And it's only a wish, a wish that will always be my wish and never will come true. I'm not going to give up because I've never been designed to give up but I try to take a break, find back my courage, motivate myself, I really need this break. I need self reflection.

Letter in the bottle to Mr. Unreadable / Awesome!

Second letter for you mr. Unreadable. First of all, on the top of all point, I just wanna thank you because finally, you've accept me in your life, after such a long knock at your door, finally, you allowed me to enter. Eventhough, until now, I still can't digest that fact. Because, I still remember I'd once said to you that "You resemble the dream that will never come true". But, sometimes, dream is just a beginning to a reality.

And I know, how straight-forward am I and sometimes, my sharpness might be hurt you. But, it's all because I love you. Never in a split second I had a thought to change you, it's just never because for me, you're just perfect the way you are and I just love you for who you are. I just wanna be that someone who's gonna bring out the best in you because, I know the thing that you oversaw 'bout yourself, I know how good you are, how awesome you are and you just don't show it. There's alot in you that just buried inside, you just too humble to bring it out, have a faith love, have a confidence with yourself, your confidence has defeated your awesomeness somehow. Fight it back.

And I just want you to know that I am wrong, totally, absolutely, definitely wrong because I actually don't need to prove to anyone how good you're because I forgot the fact that we can never pleased everyone. And it's just more than enough that you know how awesome you are and how lucky I am to have you. We don't need the universe to know it.

Sometimes, I might be too exaggerate when I said "I don't take XTAHU as an answer to my question" but I just want you to learn how to express your feeling, instead of just keep it by yourself. Because, I want you to know that now you have me, I'll be a good listener for you. You can spill all you want. I'll listen to every words you say. I'll be the awesome, cute, and gorgeous consultant for you, promise! *wink wink* I don't want you to stress out on the small thing, thing that sometimes, you just don't need to think, it's not even a big matter. Stop overthinking love and talk to me, I'll be here. You can talk to me bout everything, and I'll never judge you.  

Waiting

  Waiting is all about assumption and hurt. Its hard and tiring.

Let Me Give Your Heart a Break

Assalamualaikum,
   I just ended the count of the year that I started to keep it all by myself, confessed to you that I like you eventhough it's indirect but sure its okay than keep holding on by myself. Though, actually I think I might be crazy or insane because I'm actually don't know where did I found that courage and strength to tell you all of this. But I think it's not a wrong thing to do, because for almost three years I've never opened up the door for anyone but it's you who finally knock it and I slowly let you in. Though you just said "I'm still not ready" or I take it as rejection for me, its okay because at least all have become crystal clear now.. And I'll wait, just so you know, when you're ready, I'll be here, patiently waiting.. Doesn't matter what might be in the future, I'll stand here at the same spot where you left me, I won't go anywhere, and it doesn't matter if I have to wait for another two years because its you that I'm waiting for.. I won't ask for anything anymore because I don't need anything, I just need you to at least take a glance at me.. Its okay, take your time, I'll give your heart a break.

Letter in the Bottle to Mr. Unreadable

Assalamualaikum and Haeip!
Mr. Unreadable, okay hari ni tetiba rasa macam nak buat entry pasal awak, kenapa? Sebab kita geram, sakit hati, benci, rasa nak pukul awak sampai awak perasan kita! Boleh ke macam tu? Why not because nothing kat atas dunia ni impossible if you say possible to the impossible.. Tahu tak? This is the most berani entry tahap sanggup terjun bangunan tingkat lima belas.. To post this, I've gathered all my strength! Why can't you see that?
Mr. Unreadable, kita nak tanya awak, why can't you see me eh? I'm standing right in front of you and showing the obviousness yang kita suka awak and you just passed through me, just like that.. Just like I'm invincible to you.. Tahu x it hurts! And don't you know, I've been falling for you for almost two years! And I've tried to find at least one single valid reason for me not to fall for you and here it goes that I couldn't..
Because you're so unreadable and unpredictable and un-sangka-rable, it makes me fall way harder than before. Can you at least show me some clues, like if you just wanna be my friend then don't give me a hope, because of that hope I'm still holding on until today. In case you're afraid to approach me because you might think that I actually already belong to someone else, lets just get this one thing straight. I'm absolutely single! And it's not like I don't want to smile at you when your eyes meet mine but I'm just too flatter to do that, you should have knew you give me so much butterfly until my belly is about to explode..
This entry macam desperate housewife kan? Kenapa, sebab I don't want that two years become three years and then four years and keep adding.. I just want the kepastian, at least show me kalau you absolutely has no feeling towards me, then I can just back off, stop hoping, stop all the awkwardness, stop all the weird conversation, stop staring at you, stop admiring your smile, stop admiring at your perfection, stop hoping for you to smile at me, stop stalking every social networks you have, and knock it all off. And I just can live like I always be, and I can just stop being so fool. And even if I fall that hard pon, I'm still not too late to pull my parachute and land safely at the ground, I don't want to just fall hard and wait until I crush on the ground and broke into pieces..

Me

Assalamualaikum and haeip!

See that topic? What does it say? Me isn't it? Yeah, this post is about me babeh!

Nor Ain Elias, minah bajet, sombong, poyo, bajet semua nak usha dia and architect in the making and future architect, InsyaAllah.

 Lets get some quick briefs about me. I'm often a very talkative and usually I'm easy to approach but what did I heard alot now? 

"Sombong laa Ain ni "

"Jual mahal sangat etep"

"Don't try to play hard to get sangat nati xlaku"

But among all, I like the last one the best. Dude! Just lets get this one thing straight okay. Bukan sombong okay, and bukan ego dan bukan juga pride, its so called malu or shy shy cat! Wei, lets take you as an example, kalau ko, takkan laa ko nak senyum dekat lelaki yang ko tak pernah kenal and cakap sesuka hati. Aku takut kang aku senyum dikatanya aku nak usha dia. Masak aku, so play safe, tak payah senyum and tak payah jeling, just keep it cool and buat muka bajet model gincu.

Ni satu lagi tang yang jual mahal and play hard to get ni, wei, aku pompuan kot, hang ingat laki ka? Kalo aku play easy to get, tak mencabar laa. Bukan jual mahal ye, its called a standard, since the last relationship, I told myself that, I don't want to be involve in some kind of 'wasting time' relationship, I want a relationship that can last forever, so to find someone to be through that forever, you've got to find the better one, and to have a better one, you need to put some standard before choosing. Takkan nak kawin dengan orang tak menjamin future? Orang makan nasik, aku? Ade gak yang makan penumbuk hari hari. That's so scary man.

Paling paling tak pon nak calon macam ni. Minum darah pon tak kisah, I sanggup!

Tetiba letak gambo ni, sebab nak cakap, aku suka gila dengan diaorang ni, sumpah sweet tahap nak kutuk diri sendiri sebab tak de pakwe nak sesuwit.

Yang part sombong memang tak boleh blaa okay, tapi aku often dengar orang cakap macam ni kat aku 

 "Ain ni mula mula kenal macam sombong gila, tengok orang pon tak senyum, tapi bila dah kenal, brutal gila"

Nah kat sini nak cakap, don't judge me upon my first impression on you honkay, sebab apa? I ni pemalu, kalau dengan orang tak kenal, ketaq lutut nak tegur, bukan aku malu, takut, takut orang cakap macam macam. I'm the type of person yang selalu pikir apa orang cakap kalau aku yang start buat sesuatu dulu. Once you've known me, I'm the type of yang suka gelak outloud, menyakat orang, buat sesuatu ikut suka hati je and paling penting outspoken! Time tu confirm ko cakap aku dulu bajet pemalu gila.

Once da kenal, ni laa aku, suka camhore tak kira tempat, tudung selalu macam kena puting beliung, tak kisah ape orang kata, tak suka ambik tahu hal orang tahap masuk kelas archi semua orang aku tak kenal pastu mula gelabah sensorang dan awkward gilerzzz sampai sekarang.

Suka gelak tahap tak ingat dunia sampai selalu kena serangan tegang urat pipi and perut tahap sikit lagi nak tercabut.

Okay thats sedikit and sebanyak about me, so, please, don't judge me before you know me okay, its like you tak kenal aku tapi you talk like you know me for a century, it can be fitnah honkay kalau tak betul, ingat tak apa dosa fitnah yang ustazah ajar ko sekolah dulu time belajar PAI? Daripada ko fitnah aku, baik ko ambik pisau potong model aku, bunuh je aku. *ayat over of course Ain*

Nah, quote of the day. Sila baca dan pahami

K I leave it here. Thank you!

Song Speaks The Unspoken Words

 Assalamualaikum and Haiep all.

 Too busy too write all I wanted to spout, but some said, when the word can't speak what your heart wanted to say, just let the song speaks because it'll deliver something deeper than the mouth can. So! I present to you a nice song to listen, enjoy!

"Battle Scars" (feat. Lupe Fiasco)

[Intro: Lupe Fiasco]
Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah
[Hook: Guy Sebastian]
These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
[Verse 1: Lupe Fiasco]
Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruin's wooing me
Arrow holes, they never close from Cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up
And you know that you should know
And let her go
But the fear of the unknown
Holding another lover strong
Sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
A lover not a fighter
On the front line with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifle
Maybe sharpen up a stone
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone
[Pre-hook: Guy Sebastian]
I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched
I wish that I could stop loving you so much
Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over
[Hook: Guy Sebastian]
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
[Verse 2: Lupe Fiasco]
(Then just leave)
You shouldn't have but you said it
(And I hope you never come back)
It shouldn't have happened but you let it
Now you're down on the ground screaming medic
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses
Shields, body armors and vests don't properly work
That's why you're in a locker full of hurt
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends
The best medicine is to probably just let it win
[Pre-hook: Guy Sebastian]
I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love
I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much
And I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over
[Hook: Guy Sebastian]
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...
[Bridge: Guy Sebastian & Lupe Fiasco]
Cause you've set me on fire
I've never felt so alive, yeah
Hoping wounds heal, but it never does
That's because you're at war with love
And I'm at the point of breaking
And it's impossible to shake it
See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
Hope it heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love!
[Hook: Guy Sebastian]
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle... 

 Lyrics from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/guysebastian/battlescars.html , thanks. 

Bubye!! 

Just A liltle Bit More to yeayyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

 Assalamualikum! and Haiep! 

Okay aku ada big and happiest news buat masa sekarang, nak tahu ape? Cerita dia macam ni, aku dah submitted Final Project aku!! Okay tahu mesti nak cakap tak big news pon, bagi korang laa, bagi aku memang berita paling happy kat alam semesta laa, sebab apa? Maksud dia, lepas ni aku cuti 3 bulan, 3 bulan tu wei, lama kot, apa pon boleh jadi, ntah-ntah, dah pregnant 3 bulan dah aku, tukannnn! cita-cita tu memang menggunung laa, kahwin pon x. 

Lepas ni kan wei, aku dah tak payah potong board dah wei, dah tak yah nak sketch bagaidaha, tak yah warna-warni aidilfitri saling bermaafan sanak saudara jangan dilupakan bagai dah, tak yah nak buat plan laa, elevation laa, tangan pon tak penuh dengan 3 second dah, paling penting! aku boleh tido awal!!! golek-golek atas katil sambil mimpi encik Kyu Hyun, yeay!! huu, tido adalah benda paling nikmat sekali buat budak archi tahu, aku kalau tido tu boleh beli kat kedai mamak, confirm, aku borong semua, xtinggal satu pon kat orang lain. confirm!! ceritanya sekarang, entry aku memang tak de pape, nak cakap aku dah nak habis dah. tu je.

tadaaaaaa!! Studiomates aku, semua tomei-tomei and handcem-handcem!  Setahun ni, muka ni laa aku hadap everyday, ade time pecah perut aku dibuat diorang, ade time, nak jugak pecah muka diorang aku buat.

Ya Allah, lepas setahun strunggle dengan GC and ED, akhirnya sampai jugak hujung dia, tapi sebenarnya, baru submit je, belum dapat mark lagi, bukan setakat mark, portfolio dengan streamlining pon tak habis lagi. Lepas ni, degree pulak, lagi susah. -___- 

tetiba rasa sedih balik... waaaaa! T_____T tapi Alhamdulillah, sem ni aku belajar banyak benda, from sketching to mewarna to making model. Orang cakap from zero laa aku ni to hero, tapi tunggu sebentarrrrr belum jadi hero lagi. Part paling menguji ketoughan aku was mewarna, but Alhamdulillah, I managed to get through this. Well, that's why there's proverb say "Where there's a will, there's a way". Tapi seriously said, sometimes tu aku rasa nak give up je! Tapi I'm never, whyyy??? Because giving up is only for those who have no faith in herself. I have one, so I'm never gonna give up without fights!!

Pape pon, gua dah nak graduate from cfsiium woiii! woii orang kampung!! dengar x ni?? gua dah nak habis dah woi!! Sila text, whatsapp, weechat, viber, tweet, post Fb ucap congrats kat gua, okay ini ayat desperadooo.. semua sila boooo Nor Ain Elias!!

My bros! Okay maksud aku lecturers aku, yang baju putih LR. Bro Sam  in charge of GC and yang baju hitam, Bro Rizal in charge of ED. Kenapa muka aku bulat macam tepung gomok tu, aku pon tak tahu. Terima je laa aku memang buruk. -____-

Ieda!!! My bestfriend, the one yang in charge in melayan aku punya kegilaan, nonesenseness, the one yang always be  by my side in getting through all this. A big thanks to her, like alot!

Harith and Ani, my bestfriend too! Also in charge in melayan aku punya kegilaan, kemengarutan, kegedikan, and always offer me their hands when I'm about to fall down. Alot of thanks guys!

tadaaaaaaaa! Me! A big thanks to me, myself because cooperate well for those difficult times I face, and for having a patient till now. Sila lempang saya lelaju ye semua.. Well dude, sometimes, ko kena ucap thanks to diri sendiri jugak tahu, for me, it's just like some kind of appreciation. Well, kite kena learn to appreciate diri sendiri dulu before orang lain k, kalau diri sendiri pon tak tahu nak appreciate, orang lain apatah lagi.

Okay till here, goody goody bye!!!!!!!! Gua nak graduate dah woi!!! 

Let the Song Speaks...

Assalamualikum and haeip! Okay pengumumam-pengumumam, hari ni wa malas nak menulis, so wa kasi satu lirik lagu kat you olls and lets just sing outloud together, tapi takmo menyanyi kat bilik air ek, takmo takmo takmo. Kenapa takmo? Sebab aku dah bosan dengar penyanyi-penyanyi bilik air kat sini buat concert time shower, sumpah bising and tak sedak. Pape pon, kita nyanyi duluuuuu

Mirror
(Lil Wayne feat. Bruno Mars)

[Lil Wayne:]
With everything happening today
You don't know whether you're coming or going
But you think that you're on your way
Life lined up on the mirror don't blow it
Look at me when I'm talking to you
You looking at me but I'm looking through you
I see the blood in your eyes
I see the love in disguise
I see the pain hidden in your pride
I see you're not satisfied
And I don't see nobody else
I see myself I'm looking at the

[Bruno Mars:]
Mirror on the wall, here we are again
Through my rise and fall
You've been my only friend
You told me that they can understand the man I am
So why are we here talkin' to each other again?

[Lil Wayne:]
Uh, I see the truth in your lies
I see nobody by your side
But I'm with you when you are all alone
And you correct me when I'm looking wrong
I see the guilt beneath the shame
I see your soul through your window pane
I see the scars that remain
I see you Wayne, I'm looking at the...

[Bruno Mars:]
Mirror on the wall, here we are again ([Wayne:] Yeah)
Through my rise and fall ([Wayne:] Uh-Huh)
You've been my only friend ([Wayne:] my only friend)
You told me that they can understand the man I am ([Wayne:] they can understand)
So why are we here ([Wayne:] misunderstood) talkin' to each other again?

[Lil Wayne:]
Looking at me now I can see my past
Damn I look just like my fucking dad
Light it up, that's smoke in mirrors
I even look good in the broken mirror
I see my momma smile that's a blessing
I see the change, I see the message
And no message could've been any clearer
So I'm startin' with the man in the...

[Bruno Mars:]
Mirror on the wall,

[Lil Wayne:]
MJ taught me that.

[Bruno Mars:]
Here we are again
Through my rise and fall
You've been my only friend

[Lil Wayne:]
Take 'em to Mars man

[Bruno Mars:]
You told me that they can understand the man I am
So why are we talkin' to each other again?

[Lil Wayne:]
Uh...

Mirror on the wall, here we are again ([Wayne:] yeah)
Through my rise and fall
You've been my only friend ([Wayne:] Any questions?)
You told me that they can ([Wayne:] I come to you) understand the man I am ([Wayne:] You always have the answer)
So why are we here talkin' to each other again?

[Bruno Mars:]
Mirror on the wall.

[Wayne:]
Ay, B.P.
Looks like I did take 'em to Mars this time

[Bruno Mars:]
(So why are we talking to each other again?)

Lyric from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lilwayne/mirror.html . Btw, penat okay nak google benda alah ni, nak taip sendiri lyric dia, aku macam doubt je dengan diri sendiri and level of aku punya english. So, buat ape nak malukan diri sendiri and penatkan tangan yang baru lepas kena inject HPV ni, btw ( sakit doe kena inject!!!!!!!! Nasib baik aku xnangis!)

Btw, I love this song!