Post-Traumatic Amnesia

People said,

"You'll appreciate something when it's already gone."

And I said, I couldn't be agreed more.

I once wished to have that amnesia so I can forget bout all those pain that I've ever felt in my chest and how hurt it is when it strucks me straight right through my heart. But having this amnesia even for a temporary feels like emmmm how to say eh, more less like painful, would it be an appropriate word? I don't know. Why?

Because memories are too precious, I wouldn't trade it for million diamonds if you ask to. Since I was a kid, I keep this diary. I started to record all those memories in my journal because I am so paranoid that what if one day I will have an amnesia, what will happen to all those my awesome life in the past? And even it's not all part was that awesome but still, they've shaped me. Even it was the baddest one, still, it's part of me that teach me bout this whole life.

And to lose some parts of it, it feels so incomplete. Like you're losing some pieces of your puzzle and you keep staring at that puzzle to guess what does this puzzle is actually about, what the unfold story behind it? I don't know. And i once cried because you know, when there's thing you've wanted to know like desperately want, but no ones has the answer and not even your own diary and you keep reading that diary for a thousand time just to figure it out but the answer isn't there. And when you're trying to recall it, all you have in your mind is just a blurry image which is not clear. It's suck.

But most of all, behind all those 'can't remember' thing, the good thing is also happen. Now I know who's my friends. The friends that I can count on. The true friends.

And handball is my passion. I don't play because I wanted to be a champion or strike the whole game or be recognized or for fame but I play because I love it, I enjoy, it bring out the best in me, the true me, and yang paling penting is that's the thing I feel confident with. But now I have to quit, yeah call me a quitter but I have to or else I'll be really broke my neck. So sadddd.