Friday, March 21, 2014

If I Lose Myself

Starting to realize that without I even notice I'm slowly to lose myself in order to try to live with  people's expectation. How sometimes I feel like it's my duty to please everyone around me, to impress them, to let them see me as a person with bright future, to amaze them, to let them see the good in me when the truth is I'm none of it. Living like this parallels to wear a mask on your own face. And sometimes, I can barely tell myself, this so isn't me.

When you're living with that kinda life, it's tiring, really, so tiring. And you sometimes will begin to miss your old life where the life that you can live your life the way you want it to be, no needs to please anyone instead of you, yourself. Whatever you did was only for your own happiness. Live with the kinda philosophy "do whatever makes you happy because at the end, you're the one that feel it".

How I wish for a break from this whole architecture life, going somewhere, a quiet place with only nature's sound, alone, escape from reality. Escape from competition. Escape from everything. And it's only a wish, a wish that will always be my wish and never will come true. I'm not going to give up because I've never been designed to give up but I try to take a break, find back my courage, motivate myself, I really need this break. I need self reflection.