Friday, April 10, 2015

Architecture

It wasn't that easy for me to be in this course. Every semester, every, I'll always be the person yang last to arrive at the destination. When everyone is one step ahead, I'm still crawling and still learning to take my first step. It's so frustrating.
Being in that studio pon, wasn't that easy, everyone is hebat and awesome, you just name it. And me, i barely can cope with those design things. People said, "duk cakap susah memang laa susah, cuba positive sikit, cakap senang". Dude, trust me I did it and it's never been easy. I feel so small. Rasa macam I dont belong there. That wasn't my place. Rasa macam I should take another road before. Rasa macam everyone underestimate me. Of course, they should've.
Sometimes, rasa macam nak drop off everything. Take a leave. Disappear or just vanished. Bila dah ready baru balik sini. Penat. Sumpah penat. Penat yang tak boleh nak bagitahu orang. Penat and frust dengan diri sendiri. Tak faham kenapa orang lain boleh buat tapi diri sendiri tak boleh.
I used to be someone yang suka motivate diri sendiri, bila thing get rough, I'll be the hand yang akan pat my own shoulder. Bila thing get worse and I'm falling apart, broke into pieces, I'll be the one yang pick up every last pieces of it. Bila I'm about to give up, I'll be as optimistic as I can, told myself that "hold on, something's good is on its way, we're gonna reach the end soon. There's gonna be light at the end of tunnel, so hold on, be strong, remember, you're Nor Ain Elias, suck it up, you're not designed to be give up on halfway. You can do it". But, when I came out at the end, it wasn't as good as I expect it to be. People may say, don't get your expectation high but come on, after all that I went through, am I not deserve to expect more because for me, after all, you'll get what you pay for, or am I actually paying less. I am I guess. Indeed.