It's pretty ironic to acknowledge that the semester break is just so close to the end, like it's only outside of my door, stretching its arms to knock over. Yet, any achievement hasn't even accomplished. And I am still at the corner of my bed, with my radical mind is drowning deep in the thought of "tomorrow should be productive. It has to be." Been repeating myself those words all over again. While my neurons are all acting like it's functioning at its best, brainstorming of "what should I do for tomorrow?" But guess what, when tomorrow present itself beautifully, I'm just gonna go with 'screw everything's' plan. I'll settle for something far better, obviously, wasting my time crippling on my bed cause my bed is f awesome.
Yet, as the thought of new semester penetrated my mind, sometimes, the pain of yesterday slowly ingressed my heavy heart, pervaded all the core of my sanity. Like the shore was swept away by a tidal wave, I was swept further away by those unease feeling. To recall all those sweat and blood and pain and tear of struggles left me terrified. Indeed, I am beyond terrified to face this new semester, considering the new semester hasn't even yet, arrived actually. 'Girls and overthinking' can beat 'girls and makeup's relationship. But to go through back and forth again with the new design's class, leaving a huge void in me. The design is perpetually one thing that takes all the guts in me, I swear to god.
Last semester was completely callous. Please, don't let me get started on what I've been through, perhaps, as a recap of last semester, let me assemble it in a simple word, deadly. It was completely out of my mind, those pressure are really beyond my patience's level, it definitely tested every angle of my strength, a hell of torture with the sleepless night, the AutoCad, photoshop, artlantis, sketchup, the ceaseless deadlines, the other's subjects, heritage's group, and with my baby lappy started to show its rebellion. I was absolutely devastated and in pain, nothing was going under my control. It was those time that I thought, how stupid I was, wasted my younger time projecting my focus to counterproductive things.
There's a saying "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional", I am starting to believe in it more and more now. Pain is indeed inevitable, but to let it destroy us is up to us to define it. To come to the term architecture itself, it is hands down a challenging and difficult field. Stepping into my third years, my respect to every architecture students is terribly upsurged I can say, no one should be underestimated, just no one. Despite all those pain, if there's one thing I am thankful of, is the strength that Allah has bequeathed to me. Each day I went through, I constantly believed that I was weak, helpless but Alhamdulillah, He blessed me with an abundance of good friends and family to remind me of what I am capable of. They are truly blessing in my life and if I will be given a lifetime to be thankful to Allah for that, it'll never be enough. Alhamdulillah.
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